sigh...

Our day to day life is normal to me. There are times that are hard, times that are great, times that are frustrating or sad but its our normal. Then there are times that I realize our normal is not normal at all. Today at Target we picked out some clothes and went to the dressing room and waited in line for a room. I watched this little boy come out and show his mom and outfit and then go back and come out in something else. I asked his mom how old he was and she said he was going to Kindergarten this year. These are the times it hits me, you see Carson cannot dress himself, not his undies or shirt or pants or shoes. There are days he can do socks and days he cant. Orienting clothing appropriately, motor planning through putting them on the right way and the fine motor skills to work buttons, zippers, velcro, ect...Those skills just are not there with Carson. This hit me especially hard today. It may seem so small and insignificant unless you deal with it every day. I hate watching my son struggle, I hate giving him clothes and watching him struggle to dress himself and knowing that this is a totally age appropriate task and seeing other children effortlessly perform it literally breaks my heart.  As a mother all we want in life is for our children to be happy, successful at life. So knowing that everyday tasks that are effortless for "typical" children are seemingly impossible for Carson kills me. I wish I could fix it, I wish I could help him, but even though I do everything I can, it will take a lot of time for him to get these skills. There are times I watch him get so frustrated at himself that he hits himself in the head, its so hard. So I will keep doing what I always do, keep on living our normal. I will keep laying his clothes out when I can stand to watch him struggle and I will choose to just dress him when I cant. I don't think it will ever get easier, but I sure hope it does.